Almost 3 years ago I laid in my bedroom crying and praying and asking God why I felt like I couldn't be happy. Why have I had so many unsuccessful marriages; all I ever wanted was to be married once and have my children by that same man.
Unfortunately that didn't happen. I have two girls age 11 and 7 and they are the love of my life. With my oldest dad we never married but I did marry my youngest dad we actually had her once we where married. But that marriage failed because there where to many lies, drug usage and family abandonment.
Can you believe my 7 year old's dad moved to Chicago to pursue an old life style in which it had led him to be incarcerated for 10 years! He started working the streets selling drugs! We ended in divorce of course while my baby girls was under 1 years old. =(
I moved on of course, I met this ex police officer name Kevin. He romanced me, tought me how to eat sushi, would buy me pretty much whatever I wanted "in the beginning". Neat less to say he is my ex husband now too...well because he would stay up until crazy late hours of the night supposedly "looking for work" but instead he was cheating on me with other girls online. A good friend of mine found a profile he had made on Yahoo Personals, then in OBC that confirmed to me that he wasn't dedicated in the marriage; the marriage tht was still soo new. That ended up in divorce.
Almost 3 years ago I met a man by the name of Lloyd. I remember the day I came past your profile your smile just made my heart smile. After several months of chatting on and off we finally decided to meet. We where unseparatable that night. We danced, we kissed we had a few drinks maybe 2 to many but we had such a blast, but we still didn't have sex that night. The weekend after we met each other for the first time we had to see each other to see what we felt that magical Saturday night was real; and by all means...it was real. When we looked into each others eyes I was able to see your stars in your eyes and I know that you seen mine. It was noticeable we had fallen In Love; it was Love at first sight.
We continued to see each other we would talk all the time just about anything. We hanged out. We attended weddings. We would go out to the clubs. We would go to the local bars. I would come and spend the night with you for the weekend and so would you. Our lives felt like we were in dream land...just the perfect relationship.
But now that we are working in our 3rd year I feel like we have grown apart.
Mind you, I have found emails, phone numbers, txt messages, of other women. But to make matters worse one morning while we where still in our "LOVE STARS" phase I log into my FB account like normal and I had an email by a man stating "Your man is fucking my wife!!"
OMG I was sooo disturbed, I was crying, I felt hate, I felt anger, I was ready to call everything quits. In fact I did I called him and told him that he needed to come and pick up his crap and leave my house bcuz I was not going to allow all of this. My heart broke into pieces.
Neatless to say our relationship has not been the same since. If that was not bad I end up finding out that all this time he is legally married to a women in Ohio.
Everything was wrong but I couldnt put myself to actually letting him go. Why do you think that is?
I have always been a very independent women. I have done for myself. Everything I have has been because of my hard work.
Am I destined to be alone? To not be loved completely and true. am I destined to never be completely happy? Why cant I have a normal relationship. Why are men now a days are not real men? Men who can not fix a damn whole in a wall is just not a real man to me. A man who is not financially stable is not a real man to me.
for God sake I pretty much helped him get back on his feet the first year we where together. He didn't even have a car!!! His job was to sale AFLAC health insurance....
We are now in a place where we hardly speak. He has health problems. Dr has diagnosed him with high blood pressure. Due to his BP being high his penis stopped working. We also stopped hving sex. Lloyd is 47 currently and I am 34.
Here is the question that I ask myself alll the time; Why is he still here? What should I do? It has been almost 3 years my girls have grown to like him. My 7 year old dad is not involved so Lloyd has fulfilled that spot.
I feel like Im living with an old old man who needs Cialis in order to get his penis hard and old man who doesnt want to go out and show me the world...our life's are BORING!!
Please share your thoughts and what do you suggest I do.
Thank you
By a 34 year young women who is frustrated and out of love.
